I'm really angry/upset/annoyed because...

I'm really angry/upset/annoyed...

because of men (except you, allen - obviously). one man in particular. why do they find it so easy to tell you they "really, really like you", and do a whole bunch of stuff to reaffirm that statement, and then when their live-in girlfriend's come home from vacation, how do they so easily jump back into that routine like nothing ever happened. And then, when you text them, saying that you need to talk, how do they possibly act so clueless, and respond with questions like, "why? is something wrong?" SERIOUSLY, dude?!?!?!?! Everything is wrong, and I'm so far gone in this thing, that I feel completely embarrassed and guilty every time he makes smile (which is like every second). It's kinda killing me a little on the inside, and the worst part is that he's one of my best friends.

That sucks Aurora. Guys can be so aggrevating sometimes. Like the guy I was going out with last winter. When we hung out everything was great. I was beginning to worry because when we weren't together he would take a long time to respond to my calls and txts and just little things were making me uneasy about how things we're going. But then when we'd make plans and get together everything seemed just fine. Totally perfect. And then out of nowhere it's like "Ya I'm just calling to break up." pssh, men (some men).

So today was my first day back to work after my week vacation. Before I went I had already talked to my manager and she told me that she was having to cut back hours but that the week after I got back even though she only gave me one shift I also had four PCN shifts (price change notification ... put little red stickers on things lol). Anyway, I ended up with full hours that week and I really don't care how I get them as long as I'm getting hours. My manager also told me that if I needed money I could get some of my vacation pay. HOWEVER, when I got to work the whole schedule for August is now out and when I looked at it I also fell over. I literally have one shift a week for every week in August. Two of the weeks they are 8 hour (7.5 hour) shifts and the other two are only 5 hours. 25 hours total for an entire month!!!! How the hell am I supposed to live on that and pay tuition and books at the beginning of september?! Every single part-timer in my department has their schedule like that. A couple times people have 2 shifts a week but for the most part each of the 5 part timers have only ONE shift a week. In the last week of August we each only have one shift and each of those shifts is 5 hours! Ridiculous. So now I literally just went on the computer and got my "Serving It Right" certification and am going to go down to this pub that my parents and I always go to after football games and ask for a job. Last time we were there, one of the servers that we know told my parents that I should work there because I'm pretty and I'd make lots of money and that she'd give me a job. I just hope she meant it lol.

This sucks so bad because right now I'm supposed to be focusing on studying for my finals, not worrying about having enough money to live and trying to find another job. I mean overall I think this will be good for me. I'll make WAY more money than I do right now and I'll meet new people, it will be a nice change of pace for me. And it will be good to start it and get trained before school starts again in September. But it just sucks that it's happening 3 weeks before I have two finals.

That really sucks Kyrstn. I hate this economy right now and how much everyone is getting screwed. The same kind of thing happened to me, except not as drastic, at my job. I usually work every weekend except the first weekend of the month. I work 8 hours/day, 16 hours/weekend, and I sometimes will pick up evening shifts or day shifts (during the summer) if I can. That means that in an average month of 4 weekends, I work 48 hours, and a month with 5 weekends, I work 64 hours. However, lately they cut the evening shift on the weekend, and they wanted to give that girl some hours, so they decided to give her some of mine. Now she works one of my weekends, taking 16 hours away from me. That's $169.60/month that I'm not getting now. And the worst part about it is that the woman who took my shifts knows nothing about the job, and is really bad at it.

Good luck with the job possibility at the local bar. That sounds like it would be a fun place to work.

Good luck with the job KAZ! I'm sorry to both of you about shift cuts. I can totally relate- at the beginning of this year the hair dresser's I worked at stopped giving me shifts. And then last month the cafe I'd been working at since April said they didn't need me any more. So yay for unemployment... not.
I'm upset because I have to go back to school tomorrow D: !

first ian, now cash. is anyone else traumatized that the cab is falling apart???

oh my god. i had no idea!!!! although to make it a little lighter and funnier I said to danielle, "Cash left The Cab!" and she thought I was talking about the show Cash Cab. Now it's all the Alex's left. They should rename the band Alex^3. Not that it's funny...

yeah alex deleon posted it on his blog symphonysoldier.com
i am really sad but at the same time i'm glad there was no drama. all those guys seem really nice and down to earth, and as long as they stay like that then they will always have a ton of fans haha

i'm pissed because my allergies have decide to act like they're a really really bad cold. so i've been all stuffed up for two days with no end in sight. i know it's not a cold, because i'm not having any other cold symptoms, and because my face has been itchy (like my eyes, inside my nose and mouth, etc). And in two days I'll be in the Outer Banks. Hopefully my allergies will be better there.

I'm really pissed, because my mom just got terminated at her job (she works at the same place I do), because her staff wasn't do their job, and when she reprimanded them for it they got pissy and went to HR and told them a whole bunch of lies about things that my mother supposedly said and did (which she didn't). The girl from HR is a total bitch, and didn't like my mom anyway so she just took their word for things without any proof and fired my mother. All based on slander and hearsay.

Apparently this is legal, because really in this country they can fire you because the sky is blue, or they don't like the way your eyebrows arch, or because it's a wednesday, so we can't even sue (although she can sue the girls who slandered her).

Now I'm scared, because the HR girl doens't like me either, so she'll probably fire me next. I know they're reading all my emails, probably trying to look for some evidence of something that they won't find.

If I could have, I would've just quit, because this place is rediculous, but I really need the money, and my hours work with my school schedule, and they already promised me that I could arrange my schedule however I want during my full-time unpaid internship (because I'll need to make money somehow). If I quit, I know I would never be able to find another job that would do that.

Idk, the injustice of this whole thing just sickens me. And it makes me really sad, because all the residents here love my mother and they were all crying today while she was packing up her stuff into her car. The good thing is that a lot of the family members are really really angry about it, so I hope they all complain a ton.

Ok. So I'm in a really annoying situation right now. My high school is hosting 3 German exchange students, and I've gotten to be really good friends with one of the guys. He got here in early September, and we have hung out pretty much every weekend since he got here. Tonight he just told me (in really bad English lol) that he "had feelings for me". I am really frustrated because I had a huge crush on him when he first got here, but I figured we would just be really good friends, so I got over it, but now he is telling me this. So I don't know what to do because we do have a ton in common, and he is actually so adorable haha but he leaves to go back home in December, so having anything more than a friendship is sort of stupid. And I told him that (in a much nicer way), but he thinks it will be fine and he doesn't understand that I can't just fly to Germany and visit him back home!!
And it is so frusterating because I really like this kid, but this always happens. 2 years ago, me and this kid had to break it off because he was going to college. And this past year I got into a really nice, close relationship with a kid that I have known since I was little, but he moved across the country to California and hardly talks to me anymore. So it is so frustrating because obviously the same thing is going to happen.
and i don't want to hurt his feelings because he is so nice! ahhhhh!!!

Hmm... well the inner therapist in me is asking, "Why do you think you always fall for guys who live far away from you, Chloe? Does that have some sort of other significant meaning?" but I'm telling the inner therapist to shut up.

I know you don't want to get hurt again, but maybe you should give it a shot anyway. I mean, I'm in a long distance relationship right now and things are going great (although North Carolina is a lot closer then Germany). But my guy's cousin just got engaged to a girl who lives in Spain (he lives in North Carolina). It's a little easier with them though, because they both have good jobs and can work remotely, so they take turns flying over to the other country for a month or two, ad they see eachother about every other month.

But really with all the ways to communicate these days, it may not be so bad. You could always ask for money toward a trip to Germany for christmas and graduation (you're graduating this year right?). And when you go off to college, you could see if your school has a study abroad program in Germany. The study abroad programs usually don't cost much more then a normal semester in college. But I'm always the type that follows her heart and not her brain, so maybe you might not want to listen to me.

I'm really angry/upset/annoyed...
because I have swine flu. it is so much fun. not.

I'm really angry at myself for staying away from this place for so long.

Aurora: that really really really sucks about your work.

Chloe: that is really frustrating. why must things be so complicated with guys. and swine flu really sucks as well.


I'm annoyed because this guy has not phoned me back. It would be too long right now to write the entire story out so long story short he hasn't gotten back to me.

Sooooo happy you're back, Kaz. And I hope that guy gets back to you.

I'm upset because I hate that Colin lives so far away. I know this is just a fact of our relationship right now, but tonight I was just so frustrated with life in general that I just broke down on the phone and started crying my eyes out to him, because we have no idea when we're going to see each other again. Hopefully Thanksgiving weekend... but even then I'll probably have to work.

I'm sorry about Colin, Aurora. I hope everything works out for you guys, and keep us posted!

well...swine flu came back for round 2 for me ughh it is so bad

oh no, chloe!!! that's horrible! I'm sorry to hear that.

Things are going okay right now with Colin. I guess as good as they're gonna get for now with the whole long distance thing.

No he never got back to me. Oh well.


I'm a little upset because one of my friends just out-right told me that she doesn't like one of my best friends. I already knew this. They are completely different people. But it kinda felt worse hearing her actually say it. It's just more real now. Oh well. What can you do.

I'm sad because two of my roommates are out right now have a fantastic time. It's the athletics halloween night and each team picks a theme and everyone dresses up like that and they go to a club. The track boys decided to be sailors lol. They looked pretty good. The pre-party was at our place so at least I got to see them all in their get-up lol.

I might have swine flu. My entire house has got sick and I am one of the last ones to get taken out. Technically my one roommate came back from Lebanon with this horrible cough and then everyone got sick and he still hasn't gotten sick sick but he still has the cough. So Saturday I woke up with a bit of a sore throat and I just knew it was coming. Then Saturday night on our way home from the Halloween party that got shut down no bus would stop for us so we ended up walking home which was fine because it was only like 23 blocks. But it was cold and we didn't have much clothing on lol. So we decided to start running to warm up/get home sooner. Well we were running down a hill and I realized my one roommate was missing so I was yelling to the other one in front of me saying we'd lost Mark. Reid was all like don't worry he'll catch up and in the midst of this conversation I tripped and ate it hard. Everyone was laughing but at the same time were like omg are you ok. I'm just lying there saying no I'm not ok. Everyone is telling me "ok Kyrstn you have to get up now" but I just kept refusing to get up. They literally had to pick me up. I ended up scraping up both elbows, both knees, my right wrist and banging up my left hip. My left side is far worse because that's obviously the side that hit first. My right wrist is gnarled because I was holding my phone which I managed to save for the most part but the bottom of it did get scraped up. And to top it all off I woke up the next morning with full blown sickness. So now I'm in physical pain and feel like shit.

Omg, Kyrstn! I'm really sorry! Are you sure that your roommate with the cough doesn't have bronchitis. That's really going around this year. My grandma had gotten a cold and then had a cough for like 4 weeks, and I kept telling her to go to the doctor, and when she finally did she found out she had bronchitis. But I think swine flu and bronchitis are both equally sucky

And it sucks about your fall. I hate falling and then your whole body aches because you tensed up. I can sympathize because my entire body aches from the TAI concert the other night and being in the front. These girls behind me (who weren't even there for TAI, in fact, they never even had heard of TAI) saw that William is good looking and were trying to pull me out of my spot, and they actually started like trying to climb up on me. It was all sorts of ridiculous, but because the show was so fantastic it didn't phase me too much.

I'm really angry because our transit system in Philadelphia is shut down because the workers are on strike. They are already being paid over $50,000/year on average to drive busses, and they want to make $61,000/year. And they've shut down everything but the trains, which I take to get to school and work, but the train is more expensive, so usually it's only business people and students, but now it's all these really low class people. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but on our trains they have rules. For instance, the first car of any peak-hour (rush hour) train is considered a "quiet car" where people are not allowed to talk above a whisper, use cell phones, listen to music loudly, etc. Now these people are getting on there and playing music out of their phones without using ear buds, and screaming across the train to one another, and when the conductors tell them to knock it off they get attitudes. And they never have the right amount of money to pay. And they never know where they're going, and when they ask the conductor how to get somewhere and he says that they have to switch trains they get pissed off and start screaming like it's his fault that they didn't look at a train schedule before they got on. It's pretty miserable. And I have a feeling that it's going to last a very long time.

That completely blows Aurora. But glad the concert was amazing lol.

Because of my sickness I haven't gotten groceries in a while so I decided I was well enough to walk the 3 blocks to 7-11 and get some milk, juice, cereal, and bread. Well I go to pay with debit and it says insufficient funds. So I tell the girl to take the bread off and I'll just pay cash. She's offers to just do the 15 cash and try the 4.39 on debit. So we do and again insufficient funds. So now I'm like pleading with her just take the bread off and take my 15 before I'm even more embarrassed. So I get home and check my account. I'm at -$40. So now I'm sick, injured AND broke. And I called in sick to work on Tuesday (guess I shoulda gone). So I'm picking myself up and dragging myself to work tonight because apparently I have to. I do get a paycheck tomorrow but still. urgh.

I just need to vent. I feel very very alone right now. Like things are good, life is good. I just feel alone. Right now I have become the only girl in my household, the only non-track person, and most recently I have become the only one without a relationship/any relationship prospects. Which is kind of the most upsetting. I have never been a girl who needs a guy to be happy. But right now I just want that. I was watching my roommate all curled up on the couch with this girl (which I'm assuming this is a very new thing, just developing) and they were so cute and I love that kind of stuff. And I just realized that on this past Friday it was one year ago that day that my ex broke up with me. Which coincidentally happened to be the first day in a couple months that I had any communication with him (via text). And I just feel like no matter how many times people tell me I'm pretty or compliment me I just feel like it doesn't matter. I feel like even if it's true, I'm still not what guys want. I'm too tall, I'm not "cute" enough ... I don't know, just things about me are not what guys are looking for. To me it seems like all guys want are short little cute girls with big boobs. And it is just so frustrating that when I hang out with my gay roommate and all of his wonderful gay friends, all they do is shower me with compliments. They love me and they think that I'm lovely. So why can't I find a straight guy that feels that way? And I've tried "not looking", just waiting for it to happen. And you know what, yes it brought a couple guys into my life. And what happened? Nothing! Things just ended miserably before they even began. It's hopeless.

Kaz, that sucks that you feel that way. I think you're very pretty. Guys at our age just suck and they really don't have realistic views on girls. For instance I was talking to my bf's cousin who is really really unattractive (short, overweight, really nerdy looking, bad skin, greasy hair, etc), and he was complaining that he'd never had a girlfriend, but then he said that he would only date a girl who was thin, blonde, shorter then him, and beautiful. ??!!! I was like, WTF??!?!?! Because he definitely definitely would never ever in a million years get that kind of girl. Guys suck at our age.

Thanks Aurora. I feel a bit better this evening. The trouble was that I was completely alone with my thoughts. Working today took my mind off of it and then I came home, watched Love Actually, drank hot chocolate and made popcorn garland. Now I'm just getting some christmas stuff together and I'm working on my friend's bday present which consists of a bunch of pics of us so it's bringing back good memories and making me feel like I matter to at least one person ... and it's reminding me that that is enough

sooo
I'm sick, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Did you all know that when you're getting sick you shouldn't take fever reducers? I JUST found this out today that a fever is your body's way of killing off the bad bacteria (thats why your eyes and nose always feel so hot when you're sick), so if you take a fever reducer like dayquil or even asperine, you will reduce the heat that kills the bacteria and then you'll be sicker longer.

Ugh.

I have to work tomorrow. And the next 12 day. so i really can't afford to be sick.